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Depression is fast becoming a rampant killer of men and women alike. Most times we tend to keep so much in because we are either too embarrassed to let out what bothers us or too scared to be seen as vulnerable, stupid, sinful, unserious and so on. we are practically scared of being judged, being stripped down to the very depth of our soul, so we rather take it all in, feed and breathe on what worries us day and night and smile like all is well.
I used to be a very happy person until I was forced to learn how to keep shut, a woman should learn to keep shut and just pray,haha, after all they claim it’s a man’s world, I guess women should just exist in it and not live. I do agree prayer is the key, most of my problems were taken to God in prayers and I felt relieved after each session of totally trusting God with my pain, at a point I thought I heard Him direct me but it wasn’t enough, I needed to speak to someone who would understand due to past experience. I needed to have this physical connection with someone who truly knew the emotional turmoil, the physical draining and mental chaos I was going through at that point in my life, not because God Himself didn’t understand but I really needed someone with a personal story to reassure me that there was definitely light at the end of this particular tunnel because if there was, I wasn’t seeing it. I knew God knew even the darkest and dirtiest things I did but I couldn’t voice it in prayers, I felt too dirty, I wasn’t deserving of His mercies, His attention and audience, I shouldn’t play assistant God and help Him with a thought pattern but every sinner has this to struggle with at a point, I just needed to voice it all out or I’d go crazy, literally. It is at this point that so many people tend to build walls, shutting out every feeling that tries to build up in them and also everyone that tries to get close to them, they unknowingly defend themselves and disconnect from people once there is any attempt at emotional or mental connection but deep down they yearn for something solid, something quite deep but the invisible walls already built by insecurities and fear and manned by depression just won’t let it happen, so they begin to get angry at the slightest provocation or reminder of what their heart truly longs for but can’t seem to reach, a kind of peace that is so yearned for. This is the point it becomes obvious that depression is taking over but having to talk to someone is a last resolution, everyone has problems,no one has a perfect life and besides people are too busy, so why should I even bother? I can’t afford professional hands for therapy session or I’m a role model to so many, how much of a role model would I be if I agree to a therapy session? These and so many more questions begin to flood our thoughts.
There are several causes of depression of which abuse either physical,sexual,emotional is a part of, sometimes arising from family, marital or relationship related issues. Most times the very people we feel are the only ones we can actually talk to without fear or boundaries are the people causing us pain directly or the people that judge and condemn us so harshly, so instead we recoil into our shell and let ourselves go and other times they actually try to help us, reach out and help proffer solutions to the problem but we unintentionally push them away and trap ourselves in our own little cages. Then advices like ‘Love yourself first’ ‘Self love’ ‘Find happiness within’ start to spring up from every angle, all these from people who don’t even have their own lives together, who everyone can practically see through the holes of their pretentious and patched up lives. Gradually you begin to get used to the pain, it grows on you and you wear it every morning, not expecting it to go away ever again. You accept it as a part of you and make excuse for your occasional mood swings and anti-social life, you tell yourself at every sudden outburst that you have anger issues meanwhile it’s just depression gradually taking a hold of you. You begin to get so used to smiling out of compulsion even when it doesn’t reach your eyes, not because you really want to but because you’d rather smile than have someone think you are going through tough times and try to come close. Then bitterness gradually takes hold of you and consumes you to the extent that you begin to tell yourself that no one is truly happy just because you have gotten so used to your own unhappy life.
Depression is actually medically treatable, but it is said that less than 50 percent of people worldwide living with depression opt for this, making psychological counselling one of the most common treatment methods, which is what the common man refers to as therapy. Talking to someone does go a long way in the treatment of depression of various types. I had to find someone who listened with utmost attention, who had practical solutions and didn’t ask me to keep fasting and praying, not like it’s a bad thing to do but it was fast becoming a cliché especially in my religion led world. I found someone that didn’t judge me but stood by me and took my problems upon his shoulders. I didn’t even realize when the pain I’ve learnt to wear not so proudly like a badge of dishonour began to fade away, I only remember feeling so light and smile from my soul after so long. This marked the beginning of my healing process, it didn’t just go away just like that but with subsequent ‘chats’ it became easier to move past it and gradually brought down my self guarding walls.
Everyone going through one form of depression or the other needs an experience like this, find someone that would listen and not judge, someone with practical answers and solutions. Now this might actually seem hard in a world where most people go about with masks, clouding their true faces and intentions but among the wolves parading themselves as sheep, there are real sheep and even if you have to pay to get one real ‘sheep’, please do. Break every wall surrounding you and let this person in,talk till you have talked your fill, everything you tell yourself in your head, let it all out. Depressive thoughts are built up gradually but released even faster. Talk is cheap like they say so why not take it as a way out.

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