Blog

Talk it out!

Nobody actually knows the true ingredients that makes great relationships or marriages. So

many authors have written books and given pointers to what worked for them and what they

think would also work for others. So many relationship and marriage experts/counsellors on

social media and almost everywhere you find yourself,in church and amongst your group of

friends,dishing out advice from their own experiences and perspectives, some of these people

even trying to shove their own ideas down your throat forgetting that what is good for the goose

is not necessarily good for the gander. But in all the numerous attributes that are pointed out as

essential attributes that make marriages and relationships work, some are rather constant and

can’t be ignored or said to work for only a few persons, one of these attributes is

communication.

A question was thrown at me sometime ago, ‘what is the ideal number of times a couple should

call each other in a day?’ and my simple reply was ‘Is there a limit to the number of times you

are allowed to pray everyday? I’m always one to look at relationships from the ‘God’ point of

view not because I’m a religious person but because as a Christian I have learnt that God is Love

and Love is God so for me if it doesn’t go in line with God then it is not love.

Back to the question at hand, what is the ideal number of times a couple should call each other

in a day? Most couples have this issue especially those in distant relationships, trying to figure

out if they are under doing or overdoing things especially when it comes to the communication

aspect,this is because nobody wants to be seen as a bug same way nobody wants to be bugged

or constantly monitored,so we try to create limits to the level of our communication so we won’t

be tagged a monitoring spirit. But personally I don’t think there should be any limits whatsoever,

it should be based on understanding between both partners. Some persons wouldn’t mind

updating their partners on everything they did all day while some other person would feel it’s too

much and see it as insecurity on the other partners side because trying to know everything may

indicate lack of trust and also suspicion of having extra affairs and this is why it is very

important to know what your partner likes and dislikes,it helps you know when and how to do

things when it concerns them and the relationship.

Communication isn’t something that is limited to just calls and texts, it also has a lot to do with

expressions and body language. I’ve heard couples say their partners know them so well they

could just look at their facial expressions and know exactly what they want or what they want to

say, sometimes seems weird but I guess that’s what happens when the person is in sync with

your different forms of communication, well I wouldn’t really know because I’ve never

experienced such intimacy with someone but if you have I’m sure at this point you can relate. I

also have friends that say they don’t really know how to express their feelings to their partners

and most times their partners end up misinterpreting their moods and do the exact opposite of

what they actually want. Well, this is where I ask them if they expected their partners to read

their minds or something, how do you expect them to know exactly what you want when they

don’t have the ability to read minds? Why don’t you speak up and let them know? Don’t go

around blaming that person for doing the wrong thing when you actually didn’t tell them know

what it is you really want.