Find yourself first
We human beings have the desire to find someone someday. One who is willing to go the extra mile for and with us, who is ready to make us feel like we have the world at the snap of our fingers. We all need someone who would accept us with all our nasty attitudes, excesses, insecurities, disabilities and ‘over abilities’ and vanity, we want that person to see right through us and stay put no matter the crisis. Some of us are lucky enough to find this person in our parents, siblings, spouses, friends, colleagues etc but the mistake most of us make is forgetting to be all of these to ourselves first.
When you can’t go the extra mile to please you and make you happy, when you can’t accept you for who you are, when you can’t have faith in your abilities and encourage yourself in crisis, how do you think some other human who like you has his or her own imminent challenges would do these for you without having a constant urge to jump ship? People tend to dissociate themselves when they start to sense overdependence and neediness and when you can’t be complete in your own self, you find yourself constantly searching for someone to complete you, making yourself over dependent on this person when you eventually find them and stuck with the idea that without the affection and care from such person, you can’t find peace and happiness. Well, let me remind you that the root of grief is attachment, when you become too attached to someone your weaknesses and insecurities are maximized, it becomes obvious to them that you have forgotten to love and appreciate yourself and find happiness and peace within yourself first and this pushes them away because they also seek this attention and affection from you but how can they get it when you can’t afford to give yourself all of that and all you do is depend on them totally to shower you with these same things. This is why most people find it difficult to remain in relationships because most persons are seeking a certain peace they believe that they can’t afford to give themselves.
If you are asked to mention the things you love, how long would it take you to mention you? We need to start embracing ourselves and realizing that no one can love us more than ourselves, when we understand this and become content and complete on our own then we are almost ready to bring in some other complete person into our lives, not expecting to receive more than we are willing to give but to give more than we receive. Remember, love is not just receiving, love is more of giving, life generally thrives on the principle of giving and receiving, so when all you do is to collect from your partner not just in the material sense of it but also emotionally and even spiritually, you are tilting the balance of that relationship and someday the other person is going to get tired of giving and would want to receive as much as has been given, then issues pop up because you begin to realize that you can’t give what you don’t have, you can’t give them the complete joy they want because you have made them the only source of your joy, you can’t even give them peace because they are your peace and everything and then you start taking it out on him/her for not giving you enough to be able to make you have more than enough in store to give back.
They say the best things happen to us when we are not looking. Same thing goes for relationships, the best persons walk straight into your life when you least expect, when you are living your life to the fullest and focused on achieving set goals. So while waiting and not searching, learn to love yourself maximally that it would attract someone else to want to love you as much and just in case u don’t know, self love is a very attractive trait in a person, it builds a certain level of confidence that can be perceived from afar off and I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t want to be found associating with a confident person. This type of confidence makes you realize that you can’t just allow careless people into your life, it makes you selective about the calibre of persons you keep in your inner circle and end up in relationships with and you eventually end up loving someone else who has learnt to love them self. Confidence has the capacity to radiate beauty, when you love yourself without boundaries, you bloom and radiate so much beauty. So why not build yourself, set personal goals and give yourself the world other persons are craving for from the hands of people.
